I think I recall my first ever experience of desire being thwarted by reality when I was about 16. For weeks, no months I had my eye on a lad who used to walk past our family home in the early morning and then return in the early evening.
He was always dressed in outdoor country wear and knee length Wellingtons. I assumed that he was a farm hand at one of the farms we live close to. I used to wait for him to come past the house, knowing exactly what time to expect him.
His appearance was rugged, slightly Heathcliffe if you know what I mean. This guy had an air of mystery and excitement around him like an aura, dragging me in to the world of fantasy and desire.
Many nights I would lay in my bed, rubbing and thinking of him. Is it me or is there even more of an element of excitement when you don’t know someone? I suppose it is because you can create your own vision without fear of them not living up to your expectation.
This crush went of for ages. Then one day my crush was crushed.
A friend of mine came to my house and recognised him as I took up my position in the window to watch him pass by. She told me he was with someone and it was serious they had been going out for ages.
For weeks I felt a slight loss. My muse had been ripped from me.
But some weeks after he stopped passing by and another guy took over his role. This time the guy was blonde, unlike Peter my other desire. He was also extremely well built, very much like a rugby player.
Hormones kicked in and I was off again down fantasy road. Peter was soon forgotten and my thoughts turned to the new guy.
Then one evening I was out pub crawling with my friends in the next village and we happened upon the very object of my lust. He was standing at the bar. I knew him straight away. My heart started to beat fast and I panicked for a moment not knowing if I should stay or make a hasty retreat.
Composure regained I decided to stay. He was busy chatting to his mates and I didn’t get a chance to speak to him. As the night wore on we decided to move on to the next pub and it so happened that one of our group had got chatting to the blonde guy.
And he left the pub with us and started walking on to the next. This was my opportunity to talk to him. Although shy when faced with taking action or regretting it forever I go with it. From the moment I started speaking to him I knew he wasn’t for me.
In fact after only a few minutes I knew that I wasn’t attracted to him at all. He came across as being quite vain and stupid. But the most off putting thing about him was the fact that he needed to shave. Not just his chin but his whole face.
I was reminded of this moment whilst watching the Children In Need programme Lets Dance last year. Paddy McGuiness did a wonderful performance with Keith Lemon, who looks great in a dress. Lol And Paddy’s girlfriend was watching from the audience.
She was a stunning brunette and I certainly would have. Then she opened her mouth and all thoughts were wiped from my mind. I would have had to gag her. Lol
Have you ever had one of these moments?