Lesbian Lady Ga Ga Ghastly

I’ve written about Lady Ga Ga before and if you read that particular post you’ll know that I do not have a very high opinion of her.

I have nothing against fun music, dance music, fashion or sexuality expressed in music and music videos. I do have a problem with her as she appears to exhibit no talent in any of the above.

First of all fun music; This can take many forms from novelty records to simply jumpin’ tooons with a good hook and a melody that sticks in your head. They don’t have to be clever or deep in fact trying to make either of those things is probably the best way to kill them stone dead.

Dance music; Love it, well, good dance music. The sort of thing that lifts you up and fills you full of energy when after four hours in the club and feeling exhausted a track makes you want to jump up and shake it until the sun peeps over the horizon. Creating that sort of thing requires an understanding of music and how to use it to make a floor filler.

Fashion; Great, so long as it is wearable. Wear it around town, at home, at the club or at a party. All of those occasions and more can be the place to wear fashionable clothes.

Sexuality in Music and Music Videos; This can range from the subtle and compelling as a story is depicted in an unfolding visual narrative that compliments the track, or an in-your face montage of provocatively displayed bodies. It just depends on the track.

For me Lady Ghastly falls flat in every way.

Her music is dull and the sort of thing that seems constructed with all the words that someone thought would make a hit and provoke a certain reaction. It’s not music you’d want to dance to because for me I don’t dance with my mouth open in sheer disbelief that the useless cow ever got a record deal.

We used to have a show in the UK called Eurotrash. On it was a segment where very trashy Euro bands would perform the most awful bubblegum pop and weird music. But that’s the point, everyone including the bands knew it was trash, and fun and therefore unpretentious and undemanding.

Lady Ghastly’s “Dance Music” is trash in the worst possible way. It makes me want turn down the volume, not turn it up to 11.

Her dress sense is, erm, well … like she ran through a garage sale at Elton John’s house and wore what stuck. Apparently she’s very big on fashion, apparently she’s some for of expert/designer/artsy-fartsy type. In which case I thank goodness I’m not fashionable.

The worst part is of course the music videos. All the worst videos have an equally crap song behind them. Without the words and the melody to support them a video director has little to work with as in Ga Ga Ghastly’s case they had to interpret Ga Ga’s latest car-crash track “Love Game” into a weak adolescent boys fantasy. Lady Ga Ga “snogs” the boys and a girl.

Yawn.

All credit to the director for trying but as my grandfather used to say “You can’t polish a turd”.

Simply throwing in loads of sex and … hang on … bisexuality too will not rescue this disaster.

And yet people are buying her records and she gets air-play so what do I know? Perhaps the music-consuming public cannot smell the whiff of desperation that I can.

I suppose I’ll just have to wait until her career bombs out and everyone realises she doesn’t have much in the way of talent. Which with any luck will be around next Tuesday.

And What is a “Disco Stick” – anyone?