Taking A Bung
Well Aunt Flo is here once again. She visits too bloody often for my liking. 😀 Activities don’t stop around the AlexSuze household they just get a little more messy than normal. Out comes the fuck towel and shower sex, although sometimes dangerous, is the preferred option.
I would prefer not to have to shove foreign objects up there for the duration and use towels instead but I love the freedom you get form internal protection. Plus I walk like a duck when I use towels, which is in itself a bit of a giveaway to the rest of the world. I may as well wear a bloody sign on my back which says, “Hey look, Suze is on her period”. LOL
I’ve tried to get along with towels, believe me. They have ended up screwed up in to a thin absorbent line in the gusset of my pants, covered with the pubic hairs, which stuck to the useless bonding strip (in my, more natural hairy days). Pads have ended up completely out of my panties and stuck to my thigh. Also not a good look.
Even more embarrassing, I have had them fall out of my panties and on to the floor. No doubt the securing strips are far more effective these days but I’m ok with tampons thank you very much. They took my virginity and I’m not giving them up yet.
I recall being on holiday and not taking any sanitary protection at all. My mother lent me one of her tampons and the instructions on how to insert one. I went back to my room and studied the leaflet with keen interest and followed each step precisely. It was like a complete revelation to me, I could go swimming in the hotel pool, wear tight clothing and best of all stop that bloody waddling.
But the real reason for this post is my little mishap today which made me think of the difficulties encountered with tampons. This is where the guys start to groan and say, “what do I know about tampons?”. Well stick around and you may just learn something. I’m not saying that you want to know but don’t say I didn’t tell you. 🙂
Have any of you girls out there encountered some or all of these?
- Fanny too dry to insert the tampon. Yes you push and push and that little thing is going nowhere. Not a very pleasant sensation, dry cotton against dry vaginal walls. So you reach for the lube but don’t apply too much.
- Removed the tampon from its packet and the cardboard push-up tube falls out. You then have to push the tube back in to the outer one and at the same time capture the string. All whilst trying to hover over the public toilet. Not good! But I have a top tip for you. Dangle the string in to the top of the inner tube and then blow down on it, this both straightens and puts tension of the string allowing you to put the two tubes together quicker. I know, I’m just full of useful ideas.
At this point some of you are asking for a diagram to show exactly what I am talking about. Right? Well just for you here is what I am talking about.
- Another problem which occurs occasionally is excessive moisture. Whilst it is good to be lubricated for insertion, over lubrication can result in over insertion. Let me explain for the uninitiated. Both tubes align and enter inside the vagina making it difficult to withdraw the tubes as the slip between your fingers. The only advice I can give here is that persistence does pay off and you will with patience eventually retrieve the cardboard tubes. Hopefully before they start to get too moist and disintegrate. Too much information!
- By far the most painful of all my tampon mishaps is the trapping of the inner lips between both card tubes. OUCH! That bloody hurts and like trying to remove a barbed hook from your finger (one for all the fishermen to empathise with) freeing up trapped lip fucking kills. So guys I do know what it feels like to get you knob stuck in your zipper. I’m afraid the only advice for this one is to get your partner to kiss it better or if you are alone use a cold flannel on your poor nipped labia minora.
Girls have I missed any out?
Now you’ve brought back memories. I remember Tampax being recommended to me when I first got my period (in the midst of summer), so I stalled a day, and cracked after I couldn’t handle wearing a surfboard between my legs so I bought the Tampax…and wrestled with those cardboard tubes (omfg! the memories). I had more difficulty getting the angle right…it’s a really long story, but YES I completely lost one of the tubes and it felt like I had to complete a huge engineering project just to get it right so the string was sitting ‘right’ (i was pushing, pushing… I was only 13).
I just go in ‘manually’ now. No cardboard tubes, just the tampon, and I know where I’m putting it. LOL….
Oh Suze… great post…You brought back my Tampax experiences LOL…
I’m with Anastasia on the “going manually”. Why bother with cardboard tubes (of the four problems you mentioned, three were tube-related) when you’ve got several perfectly useful fingers to choose from?
A gentleman couldn’t possibly pass comment on this. As the flag is flying at half mast I shall merely doff my hat, bid thee a good day and renter your realm next week!
Always an education……lol….
I dont know if I should laugh or send you flowers and a get well card!
Ohh this brings back memories!! I remember looking at the pictures making sure I put the sucker in right and ohh the cardboard!
Thanks for the lesson!
honey.. you need to try playtex pearls..
they are way eaiser to use.. and seriously..
wow.. that made tampon insertion sound like tourture!
Memories . . .
First of all, fucking while on the rag. This was always a dilemma. Menstruating made me even more horny than I normally was. But I found that the good hard fucking I craved would lead to even more severe cramping later. What to do, what to do . . . Get me the Midol and let’s get it on!
And we literally did fuck on a rag . . . specifically a ratty old brown towel that I would neatly fold on the sheet, several depths thick, before hopping on it, spreading my legs and yelling “Fuck me!” to Hardin.
Hardin loved “Hell’s Angels” sex, as we called it (although I understood the rite of passage for that motorcycle gang was to EAT a menstruating pussy). He said I was always nice and juicy, and of course extremely horny. The sight of him withdrawing his cock, white cum splayed over dark, sticky blood, was a little disconcerting, but the (momentary) pleasure was worth it!
When I was too crampy to enjoy vaginal sex, I’d have Hardin fuck my tits. I had no trouble cumming with that rigid dong thrusting between them, my tongue sticking out to lick the tip . . . mmmm!
Rarely, when I was extrremly horny and despearte, I’d let him fuck my ass. I was always a little scared of this, but he made it feel so good . . .
Oddly, I hated Tampax. I found walking around with a soggy tube of cotton in my cunt totally uncomfortable. It was Kotex for me . . . big, messy pads I had to change several times a day. Ugh!
Menopause has come and gone for me; I haven’t had a period since April. I don’t miss them a bit! But it’s fun to reminisce . . .
You did forget one that can be quite embarrassing and costly…missing in action. Somehow, the little string gets lost or inadvertantly pushed in and no amount of fishing can locate it easily. Momentary panic sets in as you begin to see the rest of your life spent with an aging and decaying tampon buried deeply and inaccessiby in your coochie.
For a while I worked in an OB/Gyn practice. Here’s the costly part of the story. On a couple of occassions, the patient’s tampon was so unretrievable it would have to be removed by a physician. How does one get insurance to pay for that? I can see the diagnosis code “718.90 retrieval and removal of missplaced femine hygiene product.”
Hope Auntie Flo is close to leaving!!
**Big Hugs**
♥ CeeCi
good tips but i’m a tampon-bozo 🙂 so i have to suffer with bunching
This is the first time I’ve been able to get onto your site in days! It was awful, not knowing what was going on here. It kept telling me that the connection had timed out, over and over again. Aaaargh! Anyway, it’s good to be back.
Oh God Suze – the memories. Like Cherrie, I haven’t had a period since April, and it’s fucking fantastic! I remember all those things you mentioned…especially the pad turning into a long, thin, uncomfortable strip. My fault for sticking it on a thong I suppose…that was before the days of boy shorts, and there was no way I was wearing big knickers. My tampons went missing in action a few times…once when I kinda forgot I had one in, and Rob was getting rather amorous. If I remember rightly, the retrieval was more intimate than the sex!
I couldn’t help but chuckle at this post Suze. It certainly brought back memories for me too. I’ve had the string go MIA, battled with the correct insertion etc but there’s no doubt that the benefits of tampons certainly outweigh towels. No matter how thin they make them they simply refuse to ‘sit’ right
Bad tampon issue number 6 or 7 i lost count….. being at the end of your cycle and inserting a high absorbancy tampon only to not get it wet enough for easy retrevial. Dry insertin is uncomfortable but having the cotton absorb all your internal moisture and adhere to the sides of ones vagainal walls is just… well mean. And the changes in hormones about this time are just brutual.
I learn SO MUCH when I come here. Most educational!
Ana, that has happened to me so many times. I would do the manual thing but with nails I find it a bit difficult. 🙂
Emma, I’m glad you joined us in this debate. For the above reason it can be a little difficult.
Neil, I look forward to seeing you then. Lol
Sheets, happy once again to help out.
Storm, I would settle for the flowers and a bottle of red. 😉
Erika, yes the cardboard is not so good.
Roxi, I need to look those up.
Cherrie, thanks for sharing! I think I need a cold shower now you naughty woman.
Ceeci, yes, I forgot all about that one. I have had it happen to me on several occasions and it’s a bugger to retrieve. 😀
Boo, you are sensible. Lol
Miss U, I haven’t had any reports of readers not being able to get on, it may be at your end. Anyway glad you made it. Yes, I have forgotten I had one in too. Lol
Miss B, I have to agree we suffer for our freedom from the duck waddle. 😀
Mrs Zig, Ouch! You just reminded me how unpleasant it can be.
Mr Fab, I love to be teacher. 😉