Single-Minded Sexuality
It’s a commonly held view that men are unsophisticated when it comes to their attitudes toward sex. Frankly I used to take this as a bit of a slight on the half of the human population that I belong to. Nobody likes to be called unsophisticated, it’s one step away from being called stupid.
Being unsophisticated however may not be such a bad thing. Indeed not thinking too much about sex (as opposed to just wanting, seeking out and having sex) may be what defines us as men.
Every man’s partner wants something slightly different from him. Some may want a submissive man, compliant, or even a truly submissive slave to their Master, but on the whole I think what is sought is the more primitive male, full of hormones and maybe a little lacking in recognition of the consequences of his actions. In some ways I see a submissive man as fundamentally more thoughtful about sex and sexuality. Not a hard and fast rule, but from what I’ve learned about submissives their sexuality has a large psychological element, far more than the hormonal and instinctively biased drive of their more dominant counterparts.
A lack of sophistication does not necessarily mean a lack of intelligence. Paradoxically I think my indignation at the belief that men can be unsophisticated is because of my misunderstanding of what a prospective partner wants from their man. The vast majority of people seeking men as partners want someone who will exhibit dominant tendencies, think about and solicit sex from them as often as possible, get protective when they are threatened.
Not being attracted to men myself means that I missed this until very recently. And it was only this afternoon that the realisation resolved itself into this post.
Who’d have thought it?
Good thoughts. Based on my experiences, I tend to agree.
I’ve found that there are really 4 extremes to sexual preference rather than 2. Aggressive dominant, passive dominant, aggressive submissive, and passive submissive. The Aggressive/passive aspect has to do with the willingness to initiate or solicit sex. For example, a steriotype blond cheerleader is an aggressive submissive, flirting and often nerly begging for sex from the aggressive dominant football players. On the other hand, that shy little thing in the back with the big glasses may in fact be a leather-clad-whip-wielding feminazi in the bedroom. That’s a passive dominant extreme.
I find that when people (read as women) say that men are unsophisticated about sex, they mean that they are (they believe) too aggressive rather than too dominant. I’ve come to this conclusion because my fiance is this way. She loves me to be almost rediculously dominant in the way of grabbing her and holding her down and taking her like some kind of rabid wolverine or something. However, she does not like it when i am overly aggressive about getting into having sex. What she really wants is a guy that is dominant, but only horny when she wants him to be. It’s a little annoying, but luckily for me she likes me horny quite a lot of the time.
Hope this helps!
~Zii
LD Thanks for your comment.
Zii Thank you for your thorough and thoughtful description of your experiences. I’ve never analysed it down to that level, I just take it as it come most of the time LOL