Whoops A-Cock-A-Lips

I don’t much care for public toilets. They are a necessary evil as far as I’m concerned, convenient, necessary but it only takes a small minority of unhygienic idiots to cover the surfaces in germs. That probably made me sound a bit OCD, I’m not, really I’m not. I just get really pissed off when guys use the loo and don’t wash their hands. I do it. Why shouldn’t they?

It kind of invalidates my hand washing to then be subjected to picking up their bugs. While we were out today picking up a new dress for Suze from the local mall I used the public loos, urinal to be exact and was faced with a dilemma. I had a bag full of newly purchased toiletries and didn’t want to set it down next to the urinals. I mean, the floor is guaranteed to be sprayed with urine, or worse covered in it if someone with a bad aim has used the place just before me.

I decided to tie the carrier bag to a side belt loop on my jeans – Oops! You see when I take a leak standing up, especially in jeans I tend to unzip and unfasten the top button on my trousers. The reason is simple it’s easier to get the old fella in and out with the extra clearance this provides.

However doing so with a weight on you waistband has only one outcome. A moment or too after I started to pee I felt my trousers start to fall down. It was only lighting quick reflexes, a slight splaying of the legs and perfect muscle control in my lower body and urethral sphincter that saved me from ending up stood in a public toilet with my cock in my hand and my jeans round my ankles.

Insert your own punch line here, but no I’ve never met George Michael 😛

And the title? Well, it’s from the 1982 comedy Whoops Apocalyse, which if you haven’t seen it is nicely summarised here.