Hooker In A Red Skirt And Leather Jacket

And where would you find this? On the BBC last night. Ashes To Ashes (the follow-up to Life On Mars) commenced with a rushed, but effective episode. Introducing the “Posh Bird”, or “Bolly Knickers” as DCI Gene Hunt has taken to calling his new DI, in skimpy clothing was always going to get people interested. And why not? Although it’s unlikely that Ashes To Ashes would have anything but a huge audience for its first episode there’s no reason for the writers not to build in a little insurance.

That insurance came in the form of DI Alex Drake (played by Keeley Hawes). Very nice she is too, though I found her more attractive in a pair of jeans and a nice 80s style blouse, in the scene where she was feeling ill on the sofa. The hooker outfit was a bit too in-your-face.

Sadly this sort of tactic isn’t always extra insurance for TV programmes. It can be all that holds a series together. Take the Belle De Jour series. I know some people thought it was great but despite Billie Piper’s excellence I had to turn it off after two episodes because the reliance on simulated blow jobs was too much to cope with.

Belle De Jour wasn’t the worst offender though. Showgirls was a film I never watched because it promised scantily clad women in its trailers, and not much else. If a TV programme or movie has a trailer that shows more sex than substance I turn off immediately and it takes a lot to get me to watch it. I don’t mean porn here, porn is porn, and porn movies are much more honest because if they ever do have a plot it’s minimal and doesn’t get in the way of the sex.

When a film’s makers realise that they have a weak storyline and/or cast and try to spice it up with a bit of flesh, then I object.

I’m not saying I don’t like films with nice sexy ladies in them. Like say Underworld, but it’s the action that draws me in. The fact that the lead actress (Kate Beckinsale) is cute is just coincidental, and a plus. I like the Blade movies, but don’t fancy Wesley “Don’t mention the IRS” Snipes.

Filmmakers don’t just appeal to the male libido. There have been hunky men scattered through films since a hand first cranked a camera. Rudolf Valentino’s smouldering eyes put more female bums on (subsequently moist) cinema seats than any amount of CGI. Rock Hudson had my Grandmother swooning. And come to thing of it she never did get the idea he was gay.

Sex sells, but when it’s all you have to sell it makes for a pretty empty storefront.

Tags: Keeley Hawes, Alex Drake, DI Alex Drake, Ashes To Ashes, Gene Hunt, DCI Gene Hunt, Belle De Jour, Billie Piper, Showgirls, Underworld, Kate Beckinsale, Wesley Snipes, Blade, Rudolf Valentino, Rock Hudson