I read a story in the press this morning about a bomb scare in a Russian post office.  A report was made about a vibrating object inside a package inside the sorting room of the post office in Orenburg.

The special police evacuated 20 people from the building and investigated the package to find that the vibrator inside had switched itself on.

This made me smile and think back to last October when we visited the Venus Sexpo in Berlin.  On the way home with lots of goodies as you cam imagine, a vibrator inside our case turned itself on.  When I retrieved my suitcase from the luggage conveyor it was virating away and Alex had to disappear off to a remote corner of the arrivals area to sort it out.

We both laughed about it and made our way to the waiting taxi outside.  That would have been the end of it, only it started to vibrate inside the suitcase again.  This time it was observed by the taxi driver who informed us as we were about to climb inside the car that the alarm clock was going off inside our case.

Alex made his way to the boot gesturing for us both to get in to the car and he would sort it out.  Oh how we laughed.  Lol

Posted under Humour, In The News, Non-Fiction

Oral sex is a pleasure that most people enjoy, but a few don’t. That’s OK, if you don’t enjoy it don’t do it. The last thing anyone should feel in the bedroom is that they are pressured into something they are not ready for or don’t like doing.

Like any other sexual practice oral sex can be the cause of problems between partners, but my view would be that if you care about your partner then you should not expect them to do something they don’t want to do and if you don’t agree with that then it’s your problem for demanding not there’s for not wanting to do it.

That said of course Suze and I both enjoy oral sex, giving and receiving. It’s just another part of our intimacy and a natural thing to do when we make love.

For those of you ladies who don’t enjoy fellating your man’s cock why not try something like the picture inset? He might feel a bit cheated but you can enjoy one of your five a day – unless of course you don’t like bananas.

Posted under Humour, Non-Fiction

Suze has just published a review over on Sex Toys Buzz that you might want to read. It’s a Hiroko sensual massage kit.

If that sort of thing takes your fancy you might want to join the newsletter over there where you get the chance to win a £100 gift voucher to spend at Bedtime Heaven, one of the UK’s premier adult stores. It’s not often that you get something for nothing and that’s what we offer every month over on the Sex Toys Buzz newsletter sex toy giveaway.

There are plenty of other sex toy reviews over there too – the perfect gifts for Valentine’s day.

Posted under Non-Fiction, Opinion

My Top Ten Ways To Bring A Man Off

Valentines day is about love and what better way to express that love than in the most intense and intimate way you can, sex. Whether you’re together with your partner or separated by circumstance you should be able to find them a naughty gift to remind them that your thoughts are always turning to them and those thoughts are of the naughtiest kind.

A little bit of genital jewellery will set off you man’s cock a treat, try something like this metallic cock ring. It will help him stay up, add the finishing touch to his throbbing member and make you both feel rather naughty. Imagine him erect and resplendent with this metallic collar emphasising his manhood.

If you are apart you could equip him with a masturbator. Some are bulky and not cheap but others like this blue beaded masturbator will not break the bank and stow away nicely in his luggage. They are great for a business trip to keep him satisfied while you are not there. In fact you could always give it to him on condition that he only uses it while on the phone to you. Does the thought of him pumping his cock to the sound of your voice do something for you? I think it will do something for him.

Exploring your limits and encouraging your partner to do the same is one important aspect of a sexual relationship. Everyone’s desires and boundaries are different but without pushing them from time to time you can’t be sure you’ve reached your full potential as a couple. Although it’s not for everyone many couples enjoy anal play. This anal vibrator is designed to be easy to use and not too intimidating. Like all anal toys plenty of lube is required and with a little patience any couple can learn to enjoy anal stimulation.

And while I’m on the subject of lubrication anal, sex toys require plenty of good quality lubricant for comfortable and effective use. Although some people prefer silicone lubricants some silicone lubes react with some sex toys so we would always recommend a good quality water based lubricant for use in the bedroom. For anal sex toys you would be best considering one that was specifically designed for anal use like this anal lubricant from the Climax Burst range.

If you want an anal sex toy that has been designed specifically for the man to enjoy the Lelo Bob is one to consider. Essentially an anal plug it avoids the classic butt plug shape and is formed into an elongated, slightly curved teardrop with a finger ring for retrieval at one end. It’s a simple silicone sex toy and designed by Lelo, a company who manufacture a range of carefully crafted devices for men and women.

A little less stylish and with a built-in vibrator the Rocks-Off Naughty Boy provides anal stimulation and a perineal massager for use during masturbation and sex. Made from medical grade silicone this toy can deliver shuddering orgasms to any man. He may take a while to become accustomed to it but once he has a man will never want to be without this most capable of prostate stimulators.

Time was when a cock ring was an unimaginative affair of simple design, Lelo have changed that with their Bo cock ring. It’s an ingeniously constructed cock ring combining a vibrating bullet assembly and silicone cock ring that you charge while it’s stored in its own case. Very stylish and chic.

At the other end of the sex toy spectrum from the bead masturbator I mentioned at the start of this piece is the famous Fleshlight. Specifically the Fleshlight Fleshjack Ass Masturbator. This particular version of the Fleshlight is cheekily shaped, externally at least, in the shape of a miniature ass. It has the usual Fleshlight features with a soft insert that’s easily removed for cleaning after use. And like all other Fleshlights it’s impossible to mistake it for a flashlight. LOL. Seriously these toys are very bulky but very effective and the manufacturers claim them to be the best selling male sex toy in the world.

If you want the ultimate decadence in male toys you can go for something really special like the Flower Tucci squirting pussy. It’s not cheap but will add a whole new dimension to the experience of using a male masturbator as she squirts during the act. Not for everyone and a waterproof bed sheet might be in order but if squirting does it for you then this is the perfect toy.

The Rolls Royce of prostate stimulators could be the Nexus Vibro. It’s a challenging toy to use and not for the anal beginner but has a high quality, powerful vibrating bullet and a perineum stimulator. A really special idea for an intensely stimulating Valentines gift.

Posted under Articles, Non-Fiction, Opinion, Sex Toy Articles

I’ve never been to a Hooters bar, they launched over here a few years ago but we haven’t got around to visiting yet. One thing that did strike me about the uniforms is that they did look like your standard corporate catalogue clothing that had just shrunk in the wash. So while it does emphasise the obvious talents of the young ladies at Hooters it isn’t all that.

Sadly the picture on the left is not the new Hooters uniform, but imagine if it was …

Sorry I seem to have slobbered on my keyboard.

Posted under Humour

It’s no secret that Suze can be very vocal when indulging in bedroom naughtiness.  I’ve tried to be quiet and conscious of my volume but to stifle my moans and instruction would not be me.  Talking dirty, giving instruction and moaning like a whore are all part of my persona.

If I attempt to put my face in to the pillow it distracts me from the emotions and arousal which have brought about my vocalisation in the first place.  Don’t get me wrong I live in a semi so I can’t scream “fuck me baby” at the top of my voice.  Not unless they are out next door.  Lol

And I’m not alone at being vocally appreciative of Alex’s ministrations I just read that the girls at Cambridge University have been told to keep it down.  Apparently sound reverberates down the corridor and the walls are thin.

There have been complaints about the undergraduates at Newnham female college from 30 people.  Perhaps I should give them a visit with some ultra quiet vibes, I could make a fortune. 

Though it wouldn’t muffle the orgasmic screams.

Posted under Humour, In The News, Non-Fiction

He watched her scurry across the carpark, her kitten heels clipping on the pavement until she reached her car. Her raincoat was draped over her arm, not quite concealing the swatch book in her hand. He pondered for a moment. She did this every day, slip the bound pile of upholstery squares out of the showroom and bring them back the next morning. It was intriguing, but that was all she took. She wasn’t stealing, simply borrowing and the swatch book was always back the next morning.

~~~

The next night was Saturday and he asked her and another junior colleague to stay behind for a stocktake. By 18:00 the doors were closed and the showroom shuttered, by 22:00 they were almost done and he let the junior make his way home.

“I’m going to enter the rest of these figures into the computer, can you finish off counting the rugs in the warehouse and then we’re done.”

He left for the office and spent 30 minutes rattling at the keyboard. When he returned to the showroom floor he could hear a strange noise. At first it was so quiet that he could not make it out but as he walked slowly and with deliberate stealth between the faux living rooms and bedrooms made up to display the furniture store’s wares he realised it was her moaning.

The moan was stifled for some reason. Had they been burgled? Was there an intruder holding her?

His heart raced. He turned the corner past a particularly grotesque lounge display and into the bedroom area.

Looking into the opulent “Emperor” bedroom suite display he saw something that shocked him even more than a masked intruder.

She was still wearing her company sky-blue blouse and dark blue pencil skirt. But the blouse was open and her breasts were exposed, her skirt was hitched up around her waist and her knickers were at the side of her bed, along with her shoes.

She was moaning, deeply, but the moans were stifled because of the corner of a leather swatch rolled up in her mouth and gripped tightly between her teeth. Her head was thrown back, her dark chestnut hair spread across the bed. Her hand rubbed her pussy, both wet with her juices.

He watched as two fingers dived in and out of her snatch, oblivious to him and to the growing wet patch on the expensive silk sheets that covered the bed.

The manager in him felt outrage at her unprofessional behaviour, but the man in him easily overruled it and he could feel his cock throbbing and growing. He began to rub himself through his trousers, he wanted to pull out his cock and slowly wank as she frigged herself to orgasm. But that would have been wrong and this way he could wait until she had finished, admonish her and then attend to his own needs.

She drew her legs up so her heels touched her buttocks and pushed her fingers deeper inside her. He should see she was cumming. She shuddered and the moaning became almost a scream.

Then she became aware of him. She saw the hand on his crotch.

The swatch fell from her mouth and she uttered the words he longed for “Fuck me, please.”

He dropped his trousers with as much haste as he could without falling over and with his underwear and trousers still wrapped around one ankle crawled onto the bed and pushed his cock deep inside her.

She reached to her side, grasped the swatch and pushed it into her mouth, smelling and tasting the leather. He sucked at her breasts the nipples already swollen and sensitive. He licked, then sucked, then nibbled then bit them. She did not mind, in fact it was what she wanted and bit onto the leather, screaming into the roll of hide, eyes wide and animal.

He felt her pussy grip his cock and his groin become wet with her. He slammed his cock into her mons over and over, a fiery wild orgasm spewing cum into her.

After collapsing on top of her he took several minutes recover and consider the situation. He decided that his job had great fringe benefits.

Posted under Fetish, Fiction, Sexuality

Nipple Lovers

There’s something about a nipple that most men find irresistible. I’m not talking about breasts here I’m talking about the nipples itself. Of course there’s nothing wrong with a lovely pair of breasts, far from it I do love to indulge myself in a pair of breasts … Ooh I love a pair of … where was I?

Ah, that was it, nipples.

Like every part of breasts I’m sure that you could argue a man’s breast fixation is because of some form of mother fixation, but frankly I think that’s contrived explanation for the simple truth; Whether there’s an element of suckling involved in a guy’s breast fixation it is a sexual attraction. Is it maybe that there is a primeval urge for the guy to seek out a woman with developed and therefore productive breasts to support their combined offspring?

I don’t honestly care. The urge is there, guys love breasts and specifically I do enjoy nipples.

The nipple is, like the rest of the breast sensitive and a joy to tease during foreplay and sex. I like my own nipples liking and sucking. But I like to stimulate my partners breasts, all of their breast, licking, nibbling and sucking all over.

But the nipple lends itself to fun and games. Licking around it and blowing will turn a dormant little bud of pleasure into an engorged bundle of nerves presented to your tongue in a blood-filled button of flesh ready to be nibbled and sucked.

I have read of some women who can actually orgasm just by having their nipples and breasts played with, though it’s not something that I’ve encountered. It does make me wonder how they would cope when jogging do they get an orgasm every few hundred metres? Or is it the act of another human being playing with their most erogenous zones that causes the arousal and ultimate release?

The things I think about?

Posted under Non-Fiction, Opinion, Sexuality