Monthly Archives: January 2007

Fucking Funny?

In our latest quest to find some good porn to watch we returned another DVD for swapping at our local Adult Store.  They are beginning to recognise us again now.  We will be turning up one day to them greeting us by our first names and asking if we would like a cup of tea.  😀

We were feeling kind of lazy on Saturday evening so we disappeared off to bed around 8:30pm and turned on the DVD player.  This time we tried a new vendor to see if they could scratch that itch if you know what I mean.

Alex opened the red and we lay back against the headboard sipping away with great hopes that this would be a good one, given that the past couple we have returned with have been less than arousing for different reasons.

The DVD started up and looked quite promising with the clips that were given as a taster at the beginning.  I placed down my wine on the bedside table and took up my resting position (which means right hand on Alex’s cock.  Lol) 

It looked good, the first scene featured Simony.  Yes, that’s her in the top left corner there.  She could do me any day, she has eyes which moisten my lips within moments.  But enough said…

She was there on a platform in a dreamy setting, surrounded by reams of white nylon netting.  At this point I began to wonder why, had she become a seamstress since I saw her getting fucked last.  🙂  She was now on all fours pouting and moaning to the camera, looking very hot and dirty.  Then on to the platform stepped her male companion and he started to lick and finger her, this would normally have got me right in the mood but it had the opposite effect.

The moans weren’t syncronised with the action and she started to do the common porn classic of sucking air in between her teeth loudly.  This has the effect of making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck, it sounds so false especially coupled with the insincere moans and groans.

I was beginning to find myself slightly irritated by the action which seemed to be unsure whether it was going for the stunning camera effects and scenes or pure porn action.  As soon as they did a close up on the pussy action it would either go romantically misty or cut to a shot of her face again.  Now, I love to look at Simony just like many men and women for that matter, but not when I know she is being fucked by a rather ample cock.  I want to see her swelling and getting wet not pouting and making eyes to the camera.

Anyway I digress, Simony is being fucked quite nicely and Alex is like a baton in my hand!  We turned and looked at each other and without any words being said or pre-fumbleâ„¢ he was flipping me on to my right side pushing my right leg between his and taking hold of my left in his left hand.

He pushed in deep and started to fuck me like a man possessed.  No slow screw with embraces and kissing.  Just fucking, fucking and more fucking.  I came, once, twice, three times (don’t anyone out there say “a lady”.  :D)  Then Alex began to screw up his face in to the “I’m coming” look, and with a hard thrust of the hips which banged against my arse with a clang of bones.  He came deep inside me.

Nothing abnormal there you may think but…he then started to laugh.  I thought he had a funny momentary thought pass through his mind and he would stop.  But he didn’t he just became more and more hearty as he began to slow the thrusts as the last of his seed spewed forth.

His laughing then developed in to a roll around on the bed laughter.  Well, you can imagine by now I was slightly bemused.  What the fuck was so funny?  Did I have something strange stuck to my back?  Had I farted and not noticed in the throws of passion?

I must have had a rather concerned look on my face when Alex finally stopped laughing and asked what was wrong.  Not that he really needed to ask, men don’t usually break out in uncontrollable laughter when they are fucking me.  I can quite honestly say it is the first time I have known my partner do that during sex.

Best part about this is that Alex doesn’t have a clue why he was laughing.  If anyone can enlighten me I would love to know why this occurred.

Tags: Simony,Simony Diamond,Porn Movies,

Belong …

Some of you may remember that after our switch to Word Press we added Gravatars as a means of displaying an avatar next to each comment on the blog. Sadly this didn’t work out. The Gravatars slowed our page loads down to such an extent that it became unworkable. Often the images did not display at all. So we’ve added a means by which you can load you avatar to our site.

It forms part of a new section called “Belong”. Over the coming months we’ll be adding other features to it too, time allowing. So, if you want your avatar to appear next to your comments on AlexSuze, click here and register now.

If you have any problems email

Fork In The Road

I wrote this on Wednesday Morning …

As you’ve probably gathered returning to work this week has been a less than thrilling experience for me. I’ve always loved my job, and I still do, but not with the same vigour and enthusiasm that I have in the past. I can’t seem to find it within myself to make the effort in the way that I once did. I get up and get there on time, both yesterday and today I was at different client sites 30 minutes before they opened the doors. In fact I’m writing this on my laptop in the carpark. And I do my job, even if it is just going through the motions uninspired and with little gratification.

If I told you what I do for a living (though I’m not going to do that 🙂 ) you’d say “Oh, right, you spend all day doing X, Y and Z”. You’d think that the majority of my work is about the execution of what my clients want. But you’d be wrong. The majority of my day is finding out what the clients need and making that happen in the context of their current business and working practices. So the most important part of my work is communication and an ability to create and innovate.

And now I’m fed up to the back teeth of inventing for other people.

If I were prepared to give up our home and move to somewhere smaller and in a less pleasant area I would be able to quit work for a couple of years and strike out on my own. But I’m not, I can’t. In all likelihood we’d never be able to live in such a beautiful place again and I am very attached to this house and its location.

“Oh poor thing!”, I hear you say, “At least you’ve got a home.” And you’d be right, but we’ve worked bloody hard for this place and the sensible, logical, practical part of my brain tells me I should keep coming in to work every morning and earning money to pay the mortgage. We’re lucky to have what we’ve got but we earned it.

When I get home much of my creativity has been soaked up by the day’s activities. I’m starting to resent it. I’ve felt like this before, and may even have blogged about it before. What’s different now is the acuteness of the urge to change things, the intense feeling of gloom that descends over me when I contemplate the working day. No, that’s not it perhaps it’s better described as the feeling that my job is robbing me of the chance to do what I now want to do.

So what do I want to do? Create. Partly to write more, but there are as many starving writers as starving actors, I don’t deceive myself about that. Work for myself too, on projects that I choose, if only life were so simple. I’m not a great author, competent maybe, but I can’t see myself on the best seller list.

If I could go freelance, earn some money at my current profession and have the time to express myself I would be a happier man.

In essence it’s not the working hard that I’m worried about, it’s not being in control of who gets the best of my skills that is at issue.

The New Year is making me assess where I’m going and there may be some difficult and painful decisions ahead. Sadly I suspect that, for the boring, sensible reasons I mentioned above, I’ll be plodding along on this dreadful treadmill same time next year.

But you never know…


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Best of 2006 HNT

Here is is Suzanne’s best HNT of 2006 as voted for by you. Click to see the full size image.


Thanks for taking the time to vote. If you want to see how the voting ended up click here


Then you could always vote for me here too 🙂 .




Category: HNT

Countdown To The Best HNT Of 2006

The clock is ticking.  If you haven’t already registered your vote for your favourite HNT of 2006 there is still time.  We will leave the vote running until 22:00 GMT.

After that time the votes will be counted and the HNT with the most votes will be posted up for Thursday’s HNT.

May we take this opportunity to thank everyone who took part in the vote and we hope you get the one you voted for.

Discomfort Zone

I went into a shop today and immediately felt that something wasn’t quite right. The problem? I was on my own. I’ve spent the last week and a half in the company of Suze, 24 hours-a-day. Not having her there is now unusual, uncomfortable even. We can’t afford to take long holidays normally so this 10 day break must have been the longest we’ve spent together in one go for a couple of years.

Getting up to a dark, damp, windy morning was bad enough, but I had my mind on work, I had a purpose. Even if I didn’t want to be at work my mind was occupied.

But I popped out at lunch to exchange that bloody awful DVD I wrote about yesterday. It was walking into the sex shop that I felt the disconcerting feeling that all was not right with the world. Strange isn’t it. For many (predominantly men I would suggest) visiting a sex shop is a solitary, often furtive activity. Even in what we like to think of as these enlightened times it’s not something that most people advertise.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s legal and fun to buy from such an establishment. So why did all the other customers seem quieter than me, heads down, not wanting to catch my eye? I don’t think I’m any different from them.

Anyway, the point is that Suze wasn’t there. It would have been the same in any shop. Curiously, if I had been in a supermarket I would have felt liberated by the solo shopping experience. I am a believer that shopping is a necessary evil and not a hobby, as some of the opposite sex would have you believe. Suze is not “one of those” women, she’s reasonably efficient when it comes to shopping, but I still find myself becoming tired of staring at row after row of very, very similar items, comparing prices in shop after shop before returning to the outlet in which we first saw the item to buy it. So shopping without Suze is usually rather liberating.

A quick sprint in, brisk walk around the floor for swift product selection, then off to the cash desk.

Conversely I suspect that many of the customers of the sex shop would be at best inhibited and at worst prevented from shopping if their spouse were there.

So how did I feel. Well lost actually. We always choose our DVD purchases together, so without Suze there I really struggled to pick something. What I decided on was a DVD from an outfit I’d never seen before with porn stars whose names were unfamiliar to me. At least that way I was sure of a surprise. Good I hope, and I’ll let you know when we’ve watched it.

Considering it afterwards I must say I am berating myself for not making the most of the situation. I should have felt like a single guy indulging his secret, guilty thirst for sexual gratification via DVD. The next time I’m there alone I shall endeavour to do so.

I suppose you could extrapolate from this that because sex is something that we enjoy almost exclusively as a couple these days my feelings of discomfort are simply an extension of that. And you could be right.

In being so comfortable I have perhaps lost the ability to feel dirty and sordid about frequenting sex shops. That’s a pity because feeling slightly naughty about it, or at least ensuring that your patronage is a secret between you and the proprietor/counter staff used to be part of the thrill.

Packaging is a good example. The shop puts your purchase in an anonymous wrapper. Not quite a plain brown envelope, but a generic, unbranded paper bag available from any retail supplies merchant. I almost want a bag with the shop’s name on the side.

OK, so I have to concede that that might offend some people, so I bagged the DVD for return. As I was walking across the carpark I put the DVD in my inside overcoat pocket for practicality, so I could have two hands free while selecting the alternative title. As I was doing this I thought to myself “I hope anyone watching doesn’t think I’m trying to hide what I’m doing!”.

I’m not a fan of the throw-away sexuality that some people practice. I’m not talking about swinging, because successful swinging is not sleeping around. The same goes for polyamory where complex relationships can set it totally apart from most people’s experience of relationships, love and sex. No, I’m talking about sex that’s meaningless to the point where it has no more significance in the participants’ lives than bumming a cigarette from a friend.

I mention this because I see that in my working life and occasionally in the sex shop too. People who’s defence against having real and meaningful sex and sexual relationships is to act as boorishly as possible, seek out the most nauseating innuendo, jokes, porn (delete as applicable) and talk about that aspect of sexuality as if it liberates them and shows how open they are. Thankfully only a tiny minority of people actually take genuine pleasure in this sort of behaviour.

So why do so many act like this? To be accepted? To be popular? To show people they are sure about their orientation? To underline their virility? Maybe all of the aforementioned. But as a very good friend of ours pointed out recently, people tend to bang on about sex in inverse proportion to the amount they get. And that applies to specific sexual acts too. Oral sex, anal sex you name it I often think there’s a fashionable sex act that everyone within a certain peer group has to get lots of/be great at/have a partner who’s great at doing it to them.

By the way, none of the gentlemen in the shop today, and there were about eight of them, were like this. They were just the kind of patron who didn’t want to be noticed.
I’m sure many would disagree, but I feel that buying porn as we do does not exploit those people who produce it. It’s not like buying downloads from sinister sites on the Internet where no regulation is applied to who appears in the video stream or what they do to each other. It’s a product created because a demand exists. Consenting adults should be able to produce and consume porn in whatever form they like. If the participants are old enough to consent who has the right to stop them?

Legal porn is a legitimate product and serves a purpose. The devaluing of sex, human beings (men and women) and relationships is another matter and one that is a product of society, not the majority of legitimate porn producers.

Well, that started out as a quick post and ended up as a long one. Always the best way I find :).

Bad Porn

Note: You can find more stick figure porn at ““.

I was going to write about the fantastic sex we just had. But quite honestly I don’t know where to begin. It’s been one of those mind-altering couple of hours since lunch where an afternoon nap (nudge-nudge, wink-wink) turned into something quite amazing. When I’ve got my head around exactly what did take place I’ll recount it, perhaps later today, but for now you’ll have to make do with this review of one of the two DVDs we picked up on Friday.

As you’ll know if you read Suze’s post we were unable to view the DVD until yesterday as the neighbours were in the adjoining bedroom. Bastards. So we managed to squeeze it in yesterday afternoon before popping round to my parents to see in the New Year there.

We expected a pretty standard Porn Movie, what we got was something quite different. No, not at the parents, when we watched the DVD yesterday afternoon LOL.

There are lots of different types of porn, catering for different markets. There’s the slick, but mass-produced studio movies and the slightly less slick but even more prolific independent product from California. There’s Gonzo and there’s unusual European stuff. But the one thing they have in common is that they try to maintain a certain level of quality and deliver to the market a reasonable bang for the buck. Be that by sexually arousing cast members, clothing, storyline (yes some do have stories) or explicit depiction of the sexual act, they all have something.

Then there’s “Young Whores, Beginner’s Luck #2“.

First of all the title. We didn’t pick it for the title, it just looked different and the young lady on the cover looked hot. We’ve long since given up reading sleeve notes. They rarely describe what the DVD is actually like. So what is wrong with the movie?

Pretty much everything.

I’ve tried to find positives, but don’t hold your breath.

Video quality: We have an 8mm Sony camcorder, not Super8, just bog standard 8mm. The quality on that ancient analogue device is far superior to the images on this DVD. It looks like they were recorded on a worn-out VHS VCR on a cheap tape. This could have made the scenes atmospheric and added the impression that the viewer is a voyeur stumbling across someone else’s home fuck-tape. It doesn’t, the graininess and black speckles that appear every few seconds just piss you off.

Camera  work and lighting: Either the camera operator was given a hand-cranked second-hand camcorder to use or he didn’t know how to use a camera. Maybe both. A lot of the shots appear to take from fixed positions, (possibly his chair, lol) the wrong positions too. The lighting is flat and just wrong. Either the recording got buggered buy the camera/tape/postproduction, or, and this seems more likely, the operator had the white balance set incorrectly and/or used low temperature tungsten lighting. Amateur doesn’t quite describe it.

Scenarios/locations: What scenarios? … 2 or more porno actors go to a hotel room/mates bedroom (delete as applicable) and try to screw for the camera. That’s it. No attempt at eroticism, not hardcore fuck-fest even, certainly no script (apparently).  And don’t even hope for a good closeup of the action!

Editing: Abrupt cuts, occasional use of inappropriate fades which just added to the uncomfortable feeling watching the DVD gave me.  On more than one occasion you can hear the shuffle of feet as he approaches the set.

Scene by scene:

Scene 1: f-m-f, looks unplanned, unrehearsed and is appallingly shot. The male performer doesn’t. He has difficult, er rising to the occasion so many of the shots see him in the background yanking his cock while the girls amuse themselves or try to help him. Not a promising start.

Scene 2: f-f. Two girls lez it up with a couple of dildos. You notice that already I can’t be bothered to describe the scene in any more detail. I love to see a couple of women get it on, in person or on film but this left me cold because they were just going through the motions. You know, let’s do all the positions, A, B, C, D, all boxes ticked. “Can we have our money now?”

Scene 3: f-m. He can’t get it past the bouncy rubber stage. No rock hard cock for this enthusiastic young girl. She’s not stunning, but eager and with nice curves and medium sized natural boobs. She deserved better. Oh, here’s a funny bit, at one point Mr Floppy displays a bit of foot fetishism kissing her hiking boots and her naked feet when he’s removed them. No patent leather high-heeled boots – hiking boots.  This attracts the attention of the cameraman who seems to delight in filming just the boots on the floor for a few minutes (bugger what the actors are up to!).

Scene 4: f-m. Erection? What erection?

Scene 5: f-m. Wow an erection, but she looks so bored. Another amusing moment (you have to find something to keep you going) despite all indications to the contrary they are using two cameras. How do we know, because both camera operators appear in shot at various points throughout the scene, not just momentary glimpses but for 10s of seconds at a time. And still there are no good angles, you could have stuck a camcorder on a tripod and got better results.

Scene 6: f-m. OK he maintained an erection but porn actors should not try comb-overs. Have it cut short, but don’t try and cover the bald spot. She’s nice though, curvy with natural boobs. I think she looses interest towards the end of the scene … about the time he starts to apparently run out of breath.

Then there’s the extras, or more accurately extra – a slide show. It’s a slide show of the grainiest images that it’s ever been my misfortune to see on a DVD. They’re captured from the appalling quality video of the main feature. The shots are therefore as uninspiring, un-erotic and un-arousing as the rest of the DVD.


In case you haven’t guessed, I wouldn’t touch this DVD if it were the only disk in the shop.

A couple of the girls are OK, real looking and not just in the boob department. No silicone in this movie at all. But this movie doesn’t work on any level for me.

The only consistently positive thing about the six scenes is that the female performers do try to look turned on and help out their male colleagues. But even they start to lose interest after a time.

If all the performers are amateur (this is implied but not made clear on the sleeve notes) then most of the criticisms I’ve levelled should be balanced against this. Let’s face it how many of us would droop in front of a camera? Even the pros have off-days. But the production quality is unforgivable and pressure on the guys may have been made worse because these scenes look like they were shot in one take with no second chances, or “relax for half an hour and try again then”.