Here Cums The Judge

You know how it is, a friend buys you a penis pump so you take it into the office and then start playing with the squeezy handle thing during the day as a bit of stress relief. Then you decide that nobody can see so your slip it over your cock and eventually, well you know, you cum. You enjoy it so much you do it again …

What do you mean you don’t do things like that at work?

Apparently Donald D. Thompson the judge who served 20 months for doing just that thought it was normal. Or did he? It’s quite honestly difficult to tell because he claims the case against him was “made in haste and a result of conjuncture and innuendo and not supported by evidence”. The police and public prosecutors thought otherwise as they have pictures of the pump under the desk and found semen on the carpet, his chair and on his robes.

After serving 20 months he’s kicking up a stink because he’s had his pension stopped – all $7,789 per month of it. The only person to have made a bigger cock-up and still want to keep his pension is the disgraced British banker Sir Fred Goodwin who’s current pension is estimated at the equivalent of $70,000/month. Then again he did lead his company to the biggest corporate loss in British financial history (£24 billion).

Only proves what we thought all a long, Sir Fred must have been jerking off in his office all day instead of looking after the bank. Maybe that’s where the rest of us are going wrong.