Monthly Archives: December 2010

A Great Deal Of Porn ;)

Blonde with purple ball gagIt always amuses me when someone manages to hood wink the media and have another side to them which is naughty.  The last case I read of this was when her out of Eastenders…what’s her name?…you can tell I don’t watch the show…hold on a moment and I’ll find out.

That’s it, Cheryl Fergison created a fictitious family group so she could appear on the show.  Well when I say fictitious, that’s probably a bit too strong.  She basically substituted her mother who is dead for her best friend and her daughter for her sister.  Very complicated I know.

And now I just read that Mr good two shoes Edmunds has been duped on his Deal Or No Deal Show.  I know you probably haven’t heard of it so here’s a link to the site http://www.dealornodeal.co.uk.

Contestant Jeanette Burton appeared on the show claiming that her profession was photographer when she was really a XXX star who had a naughty website and several equally naughty videos too.

Great bit of publicity for her and excellent marketing too.  BTW I tried to locate her site to link her to this post but couldn’t, if you happen to find it let me know and I’ll credit you and add the link.  😉

Sex In The Red Light Zone

Neon light has only existed as a commercially available product for around 100 years and yet it forms part of our collective psyche. Its primary function is to advertise and in this age of rampant commercialism the only reason that it does not still appear on every shop front in the world is its high cost and inflexible nature relative to new forms of advertising hording.

Neons take a lot of time and skill to produce, each one is unique, but they have one thing in common, they evoke strong memories in all of us. Take the centre of Tokyo, Piccadilly Circus in London or bustling parts of any other city for that matter. At one time or another they have contained huge advertisements composed of neon signs. In films you see them from the street, or more subtly you might see the light of them illuminating the interior of a seedy hotel room through grubby windows.

If you haven’t actually done it haven’t you must have thought about having sex in a room illuminated by the light of the advertising board outside. The red-orange glow washing over your bodies as you bump and grind, heat rising, the glistening sweat on your skin emphasised by the warm glow.

No?

Just me then. LOL

I`m The Plumber, Any Chance of A Blow Job?

Banana LickIt’s an old cliché isn’t it. A tradesman turns up at a house an the solitary resident, the lonely housewife, answers the door. The leaky tap soon gets forgotten and the twangy guitar music kicks in.

Well, I’m fitting a couple of radiators to our central heating system over the next couple of days. What do you think the chances of a blowjob in lieu of payment are?

Dirty Old Man

Crystal Harris And Hugh HefnerYou would like to credit bunny boy Hugh Hefner with a little bit more dignity than he appears to display these days.  Does he realise what a joke he is becoming?  Lol

He only divorced from playmate Kimberly Conrad last year and he’s at it again.  It has been reported that he has just bought a ring and become engaged to another playmate Crystal Harris.

Now let’s see, Crystal is alleged to be 23 and her husband to be 84.  Sounds like a marriage made in heaven.  Lol

Come on Hef act your age.

Lip Smacking, Pussy Licking, Finger Sucking Good

Human beings have been experimenting with sex for thousands of years so it came as no shock to me to find out that cunnilingus has been around since at least the time of the Roman Empire. There’s even a picture of it on a wall Pompeii.

One thing that did surprise me was the amount of public cunnilingus that takes place, from the islands of New Guinea to (apparently) a bar in Tijuana – not sure I’d like to get it on with a total stranger in a sweaty bar in front of the other patrons…

For me it’s been part of sex, since the first time I got a girls knickers off – it was quite brief then, not because I didn’t want to but the car we were in was a bit cramped for that kind of antics. For some men it is apparently not very appetising. Frankly I can’t see why. The smell, the taste, the texture of a woman and above all the reaction it elicits from your partner makes the whole experience a huge turn-on for me and I think most men.

Can any of you naughty people explain what turns people off about cunnilingus?

Smack My Dungeon Bitch Up

It’s a fact that some people are from a very early age predisposed towards a BDSM lifestyle. By inclination, upbringing or a combination of both they know that they need to be sub, Dom, bottom, Top or switch. Thoughout their lives they may struggle to find the right partner and where they fit in within that relationship, they may take years to recognise that the BDSM aspect of their sexuality and personality is just that. However at the end of it all they know that they are different ans special in some way.

What about the rest of us? There are not many couples who have not played BDSM games in the bedroom to a greater or lesser degree. From light bondage to flogging many vanilla couples have played with BDSM themed bedroom fun.

I can remember when we first tried it, years ago. It was well before we got into this sex blogging malarkey and the thought of having two whips and a riding crop at the side of the bed as we have now would have seemed laughable.

How about you guys, when did you adventurous vanillas first try bedroom BDSM?

Big Portions At Christmas

Chocolate On NippleHands up everyone who has over indulged this Christmas. I’ll guess that anyone not raising their hand was too stuffed with food and lethargic to raise an appendage.

I mean if someone were to offer you another bit of chocolate you’d refuse, right?

Although if the presentation were right I’m sure I could be persuaded to have a little nibble. LOL

The Hentai Extreme Chicks

How big is too big when it comes to breasts on Hentai cartoons. This is a serious question. I like Japanese Manga, but I don’t actually get sexually aroused by Hentai. I look on it more as art. I believe that good Hentai is art. It can be inventive, provocative and really help the author tell a story.

But if you do find Hentai arousing, when do the increasingly larger boobs become too large to be plausible and therefore, erm, stimulating?

Having Some Anal Fun

Nexus G-Play TrioAlex has just reviewed and excellent set of butt pluggs over here.  They comprise of three plugs which not only gradually increase in size, making them  a great training toy but they also vibrate for added pleasure.

They are a must have for both sexes and as you will read work that p-spot wonderfully.  😉

Where Are You Going To Put That Sucker?

I would really love to be able to tell you the origin of this image but unfortunately the forum on which it appeared is now defunct and I can’t trace the source.

I think it qualifies as one of the most bizarre images I have ever come across. I mean I like Dr Who but not this much …

Easy Sleazy Christmas

When you have finished running around visiting friends and spending far too much time with relatives whilst over stuffing your face you may wish to take a break from the over zealous yuletide celebrations.

And indulge yourself in something which will be both therapeutic and naughty.  Why not spend some time colouring in naked women like the one above and completing saucy quizzes.

You could treat yourself to the Hot Wax colouring and activity book by Tyson McAdoo, it has 32 pages of adult fun, you will find him here.  And whilst you are over there check out his art work it’s wonderful.  🙂

Screwged Part 3

The least productive day of the year in the office dawned. Ed took his place in his glass walled office. He sipped a fresh coffee and prepared for the sight of his employees pretending to be interested in work on Christmas Eve. He didn’t mind, they worked hard all year and he would let them go home after they drifted back from a long and boozy lunch. He smiled to himself, the firm had taken a hit over the last few years but he was doing better than most because of the hard work of his staff. Yes life could be a lot worse.

The phone interrupted his musings. The number displayed was a mobile phone, but one that he didn’t recognise.

“Hello, Ed …”

“It’s Marlene. I’ve found her, I’ll be outside in ten minutes. Black BMW.” The phone went dead.

“Yes, Ma’am.” Said Ed, replacing the receiver.

~~~

Ed and Marlene sat on the BMW M3’s soft leather seats staring at the office building.

“Nice car. I thought you came by train.” Said Ed.

“Belongs to a friend, she’s out of town for Christmas. I can’t afford a car like this yet …”

“Oh.” The though of his gleaming silver Porsche and red Ferrari parked in the converted stable block outside his house pricked his conscience. Their lives had diverged since they parted, her partner at the law firm she had set up running off with a huge quantity clients money and leaving her exonerated by the courts but penniless. “This is where she works?”

“Oh Yes.” She said. “You’re tense.”

“A little, if we get caught this will look terrible in court.”

Marlene raised an eyebrow. The was a moments pause then she reached across and tugged the zip of his flies down.

“It’s broad daylight!” Ed protested.

“It’s getting dark …” Her fingers were inside now, hooking out his cock. “That doesn’t look very happy.” Said Marlene, stroking his flaccid member. She leant across and took him in her mouth.

He closed his eyes, putting thoughts of discovery out of his mind and becoming absorbed in the sensations from his cock. He was filling her mouth now, the blood pumping into his penis turning his dormant member into a waking animal hot and mobile. Marlene’s tongue investigated his foreskin and glans, probing inside for the first drops of precum. Soon he was too big for her to take the whole of him in her mouth and it was just his tip which enjoyed the probing swirling tongue around his frenulum.

She released him from her mouth and grasped his cock with her hand. I can’t remember the last time I gave you a hand job, do you still cum as much as you used to?

He could only offer a grunt in reply, the vigorous pumping of her hand was too distracting. He was fully hard now, the tip of his cock slick with spit and precum, so sensitive that her shook as she jerked him off.

“I’m not risking you dirtying these trousers, we don’t have a spare pair.” Her mouth engulfed him again, taking the very end of him with her lips just behind his corona. He could feel her suction and her hand stroking his cock, he wanted to reach out and touch her in return, slide his hand into her knickers and rub her wet snatch … the desire to slide his fingers into her pussy and her sucking, pumping blowjob tipped him over the orgasmic precipice with startling ferocity.

Marlene could not swallow the cum fast enough and had to release his cock from her mouth. White fluid covered her hand. She licked it and swallowed every drop, avoiding soiling his disguise in a business-like way that astonished Ed and kick-started fantasies of having her in the office for regular blowjobs as his lunchtime slut … “You old pervert”  he thought to himself.

Having composed herself, brushed her hair and reapplied her lipstick Marlene asked, “Are you ready now?”

“Not really but let’s go. Isn’t she going to recognise me?”

“You had that stupid  facial hair the last time she saw you and you’ve got a few more wrinkles …”

He looked hurt.

“Shit, sorry. Did I dent your pride.”

“No, you’re right. I’m a mess.”

“There are certainly some parts of you that are still in working order.” Marlene smiled, her eyes resting on his crotch.

Screwged Part 2

Fucks Of Christmas Past

Ed woke to find Marlene’s head on his chest and her warm, moist breath playing on his skin. He tried to move her to one side without waking her so he could make them both a coffee.

“It’s OK.” She said. “I’ve been awake for a while. Seven years and you still haven’t got the heating fixed. The clanging it makes when it starts up woke me.”

“I never seem to get round to it.”

Marlene had slid up the bed and propped herself up against the headboard. “Before you go and make me breakfast I think we should have that discussion I mentioned last night.”

“I thought you said you weren’t after anything.”

“I’m not.” Snapped Marlene. “I’m here to help, though with your attitude I’m beginning to wonder if I should bother.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that everyone wants a piece of me and …”

“That was always your problem. It’s in your head you know. I know there are a few bastards out there who would try and take your money from you but you’re paranoid.” She stopped, watching the words sink in. She had told him before, seven years ago, It was one of the reasons they had broken up, not because he thought she was a gold digger, but because of his constant paranoia.

Brushing aside her words he said “OK, what do we need to talk about?”

“Karen Thompson.”

“Who?”

“She worked for you in sales, well she did until five years ago.” Marlene waited, she could hear the gears turning in his head.

“Oh fuck not her!” His eyes were wide, he was panicked.

“Fuck, yes her. She left in late February of the following year. Then last month she turned up at my offices claiming that she was raped by you. “Obviously when I knew she was accusing you I declined the case, told her I was too busy and not the right council for her.”

“Why didn’t she go to the police if I raped her?” Ed was turning a shade of purest white.

“She did and they said that they couldn’t build a case. She never cried rape at the time, no witness and no forensics.” Marlene stopped. “You didn’t rape her, did you?”

“No, of course not?”

“Did you have sex?”

“Erm, I think so.”

“You think so.” Marlene chuckled. “Have there been that many?”

“No but I was very, very drunk. I might not even have been able to get it up when we went into the photocopier room …

~~~

It was Christmas five years earlier. Ed’s business was doing well. Import/export was riding high on the back of a credit boom and rising house prices. And with the success came huge bonuses for all his staff and a legendary Christmas party.

The offices would be wrecked and need serious cleaning if not refurbishment by the new year, but nobody cared. Money was flowing in faster than Ed could count it and everyone was in party mood.

Karen had been flirting with Ed all evening. Her career had always relied in her revealing blouses more than her adequate but less than sensational aptitude for sales. She felt that the six months served with Ed’s company were enough and she had found the sugar daddy she had always dreamed of, or was it planned for?

A couple of indecently tactile dances under the red and gold decorations had given Ed a lump in his trousers. Karen led Ed into the shadows at the side of the office to the sound of another thumping beat from the hired DJ and wolf whistles from their colleagues.

She kissed him first and grabbed his hands, placing them on her sumptuous breasts. It wasn’t that he had any inhibitions about doing so, but she was impatient and the alcohol was making him slow. Her heavy perfume suffused his nostrils like opium so all he was aware of was the soft warm pillows in his hands, her hair, her soft mouth and a wave of scent enveloping him.

His cock dribbled down his leg in anticipation of imminent release while his brain tried to put the increasingly hazy and disjointed sensations, fed to him by his senses, into a semblance of order.

“Come with me.” She crooned, pulling him to the photocopier room.

Once inside the music was muffled and the light a little bright for Ed’s eyes. Karen propped him against a wall to prevent his swaying turning into complete collapse. He squinted at her. She was unfastening her blouse, he smiled rather goofily. Her bra was holding back two plump mounds. When she removed it they spilled out, nipples hard and pink.

Ed stood mute while she unfastened his belt and let his trousers fall to the ground. She pulled out his cock and massaged the flaccid member to full erection. Karen spat on him, smearing the saliva over his shaft. She squatted, legs awkwardly intertwined between his and jammed his prick between her tits.

Ed watched, merely a spectator as he was given a tit wank. She looked up at him, with her best pornstar eyes. After a couple of minutes Karen’s legs were too tired to carry on and she opted to continue her career progression with a blow job.

He felt her suck him into her mouth with the enthusiasm of a first-timer and the skill of a pro. Her tongue rubbed constantly at his frenulum, stopping only when his glans were burried deep in her throat and she was gagging on him.

Occasionally she would release him and vigorously pump his prick in her hand, eyes watching him for the signs of an approaching orgasm. It was like being in the ultimate POV porn movie, except that this was real.

Ed felt himself cumming and let himself rip. There was no attempt to hold back the gushing jets of cum, just a glorious, half-conscious release of sticky white fluid and ecstasy. The first of his issue flooded her tongue the rest landed on her face as she pulled back, open-mouth, to receive her facial.

His cock dripped in front of him as he watched her rub the cum dripping from her mouth over her boobs and swallow the rest.

~~~

Marelene pondered for a moment. “You better get me some coffee, then I’ve got to find out what Ms Thompson’s been up to since she left your employ.”

Screwged Part 1

AlexSuze.com “Ghost”

Ed stared at the lights from his Christmas tree reflected in his glass of whisky until they began to blur. It was in part the alcohol that impaired his visual acuity and partly the fatigue that had accumulated in the weeks running up to Christmas. He sat, alone, in silence, the gentle crackle of the wood fire and sonorous tic-toc of the wall clock the only sounds in the room. Save for the fire and slowly twinkling lights on the Christmas Tree the room was unlit.

It was a comforting womb suffused with an orange glow and the smell of wood smoke. The rest of the world kept at bay for a while.

Ed felt his eyelids descending. He placed his glass on the small, round table to the right of his armchair and let sleep take him into its dark embrace.

~~~

There was a loud knock at the door.

Ed’s consciousness rose from an oily grey-black dream full of pointing skeletal fingers and the rattle of metal hoops to fully awake with an unseemly haste. His eyes snapped open.

Another knock.

Fuck, he though bitterly, it’s bloody Christmas. Can’t I get a bit of peace and quiet at Christmas …

Ed dragged his leaden limbs to the front door and flung it open. Rather than be greeted by the group of off-tune carol singers with a repertoire of three carols that he expected, a hooded figure faced him in the porch.

“Can I help you?” he enquired.

The figure raised a hand, thin fingers covered in a black leather glove. The hand pulled back the hood of the cloak to reveal a pale face and long, blonde, almost white, hair.

“Marlene!” Exclaimed Ed.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Remarked Marlene. “Can I come in?”

~~~

“Still on your own then?” Enquired Marlene.

“Apparently.” Replied Ed tersely.

He studied her, sitting in the chair opposite. She carried the years better than he did. The seven years since they parted had taken their toll on him, the furrows in his brow and the high blood pressure were just the most obvious signs of that. She had matured into a fine woman, older and more assured, powerful and graceful. A very fine woman. Stop it! He told himself.

“Not expecting visitors?” Observed Marlene, the lack of Christmas fare very obvious.

“No, thank goodness. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I’ve been travelling for hours and they took the buffet car off the train so I’m starving.”

Ed reached down the side of the chair and pulled out a crumpled paper bag. He opened the top of the bag and removed a large piece of fluff that had been adhering to the contents.

“Humbug?”

Marlene’s chin dropped, her disdainful look told him otherwise.

~~~

Ed relented. Twenty minutes later they were eating Marmite on toast in his basic kitchen.

“Is this the only food you have?” Asked an amused Marlene.

“I’m going away for Christmas.”

“Ah. Well I was thinking of stopping here for the festive season.” Said Marlene rather uncertainly.

“You’ve got some bloody nerve I haven’t spoken to you for seven years and then you expect to spend Christmas here!” Ed was incredulous.

“We have some things we need to talk about. Important stuff. I thought it would give us time to sort it all out.” Explained Marlene.

“Oh, fuck. You weren’t pregnant when you left where you?”

Marlene laughed. It was a laugh Ed remembered well. It warmed his steely cold heart in a way that was now so unfamiliar to him that when she stopped and normality returned he felt an overwhelming sadness. The sadness derived from a deep sense of loss. A loss that he knew himself to be the sole architect of, but not its sole victim.

“No I was not.” Marlene assured him, then noticing his dour countenance offered. “Cheer up, I’m not here for maintenance.”

He looked at her smiling face and wondered if he would ever know the happiness they had shared with anyone else. He told himself that a woman like Marlene came along once in a lifetime. So that would be a “No” then …

He was therefore shocked when she kissed him on the lips a moment later.

Amazed when she pushed her tongue into his mouth.

And finding himself being led upstairs by her left him wondering if he was still asleep …

… they picked up where they had left off seven years before. Their sex was like picking up an old book that you find in the attic years after packing it away. It was familiar, yet strange, nostalgic and exhilarating.

With each movement of their hands over the other’s naked flesh they relearned each others needs and desires. The pain that had separated them was gone and what remained was the seven years of unfulfilled longing that had been dammed up.

It felt as fresh as the first time, yet with a knowledge of each other that was only possible because of their previous life together.

In a storm of grasping hands and vivacious tongues they had dived into bed, clothes abandoned on the bedroom floor. They paused for a moment, breathing heavy, hearts beating wildly, pupils dilated. One of his hands was intertwined with her hair, the other held a breast, cupping it with the erect nipple squeezed between two fingers.

She straddled his leg, her wet pussy rubbing against his thigh. Her clitoris hummed with anticipation, the moments hesitation heightening the sensation that her pulsing bundle of nerve fibres might explode if it were not satisfied. She could feel his cock pressing in to her stomach, wet and sticky with the clear fluid she wanted to lick from it.

They looked at each other, silent, motionless acknowledging the fact that they were very different now. They each had a seven year history which separated this from their last encounter. It didn’t matter they still wanted each other with the reckless lustfulness which had characterised their time together.

She slid up the bed deliberately slapping him across the face with her breasts, lowering them onto his face and letting him nuzzle into the soft valley between. She smiled and moaned with a quiet contentment. It had always relaxed her when he buried himself in her cleavage. The familiarity was pleasant but soon overwhelmed by the need to feel him enter her.

Marlene slid slowly down, trapping his cock between her thighs and guiding it into her waiting lips. Her clitoris crackled with sensations as the skin of his abdomen slid over her mons.

A fluid movement engulfed his cock between her labia and deep within her pussy.

His hips bucked. She imagined riding him, cowgirl for real. He had other ideas and with a powerful thrust of his hips toppled her from her sadle, rolling her onto her back, cock still inside her. Ed smiled down at Marlene. He slowly moved inside her, small strokes, teasing her, knowing she would hate him for it her libido demanding more.

Her eyes were filled frustration tempered by the knowledge his lust would soon overcome his control and compel him to abandon his composed façade. She bit her lip and gave him her best pleading look, “Fuck me, please”

Ed obliged. His hips gyrated and swung, thrusting, stirring, sending shudders of pleasure out across her body then back to the very core of her being. Her hands grabbed his neck, nails digging into his skin, imploring him to cum inside her, cum now, because she was cumming.

He felt her orgasm approaching, sensed it too in the subtle changes in her demeanour and muscle tensions. It had always been like this, as if something possessed her. Her back arched and lips soundlessly called out his name.

Ed slumped onto her chest. His lips sought hers and kissed her tenderly just once before sliding across the bed to lay beside her and drift into a deep contented sleep.

Give Me A Hot Sausage Please

I couldn’t resist this weenie roaster, there is no ambiguity there just straight forward phallus worship.  Can you imagine sticking some of those little chaps on the Barbie when the family come round.  Lol

I’m not sure it could handle anything large though, it could suffer from the droop.  And when you lube him with mustard…well, that’s just got to smart.

I’ve got myself thinking of long hot Summers now as I sit here in the freezer which the UK has become lately.  I’ll turn up the heating and pretend I’m in Oz.  Roll on Spring…

Christmas Porn

christmas pornWell that’s another Christmas dinner over.  Phew!  We have had the relatives over for celebrations and they have just left.

Despite having  wonderful day in the bosom of my folk there was something missing.  I felt like I’ve had an itch which I’ve been yearning to scratch all day.

I was missing my naughty side, the one which watches porn, plays with toys and writes filth here.  😉

My search on Google images for Christmas porn brought up this lovely buxom babe.  What I wouldn’t like to do to those!

I’ve been  good all day…now it’s time to be naughty.

Wet Gussets And Cum Stained Trousers

How long is it since you had sex with your clothes on? In some ways the frequency of clothed sex can be a barometer of the stage of your relationship. This is partly due to your habitation status and partly down to the amount of time you spend building up to sex.

Before you live together you tend to have sex when and where you can and even if this doesn’t happen to be outdoor sex you may simple loosen your clothing enough to get down to it. The location in which you have sex may also dictate that staying clothed is more practical, if it’s cold or you risk being discovered.

If you cohabit you take more time to make love and therefore und up naked more often. Of course the exception to this is if you keep your clothes on for a reason – role play or just clothing that you like to see each other in. All good stuff. Clothed sex in the shower is good too, just choose your garments carefully.

Even keeping your underwear on during sex can be fun. I love pulling aside the gusset of a pair of panties to gain access to a hot pussy.